A CHILD'S LETTER

DO YOU SEE ME?

Sometimes I’m too little to explain what’s going on with me. The pain I feel, the confusion, the betrayal. At times I tried to tell you, but you misunderstood me. Maybe you didn’t believe me or is it you didn’t want to believe that? I don’t like it when you leave me alone with them and no, I don’t want them to babysit me or make me go for a trip to the store with them. I trusted them and looked up to them, or did you bring them into our family thinking YOU trusted them? It’s not fair I can’t hurt them the way they hurt me, so I hide. No one can protect me from this monster, so I hide. Even when I  pretend to be invisible they find me. I tell them I don’t like it, but they ignore me. I wish someone would help me, SEE ME! I’m not the same happy child I used to be, don’t you see? I cry when I’m by myself because I don’t know what to do. I pray, Lord, please make the monster stop.

I’m a little older now, and they still find me. Not as much anymore, but they still hurt me. I wish you could see what I see. Please look closer, they pretend well. They said if I told anyone, especially you, that I would get in trouble. They even said they would hurt you. So I kept silent. I don’t feel good about what’s going on. What did I do to deserve this? Is anyone else going through this? Are my friends? I don’t want to tell them because they might not like me, so again, I keep silent. My grades are slipping, and I don’t care about how I look. The worse I look and the more clothes I put on, maybe they’ll leave me alone. I’m running away the first chance I get because I don’t feel safe here. I’m getting high or drunk the first time it’s offered, to help me

 
to forget. You couldn’t protect me, or you didn’t care. Don’t you see?

I have someone to protect me. They didn’t understand why it took so long for me to trust them. I was broken into pieces when they found me. Years have gone by and one by one we put the pieces back together. I learned how to love myself, and know my worth. I am somebody, and I will not let the actions of a monster dictate how my life turns out. It was not my fault and it wasn’t anything I did to provoke what happened. And now I’m a parent and I SEE YOU. -L.G.London

SAYING GOODBYE...PT 2

Saying Goodbye-pt2

photo by static1.squarespace.com

 

A Time to Grieve

After the loss of a loved one the feeling of helplessness may seem to consume you. Speaking for myself, I felt emotionally drained and tired for weeks after a loss. I’ve lost 5 out of 8 immediate members of my family. In 1992 I lost my baby sister at the age of 24; seven years later in 1999 I lost my brother who was the baby of the boys and who was also 14 months older than me, died at the age of 34. Four months later my Grandfather who raised me as his own, had a major stroke and was given 72 hours to live. God blessed him to escape death by being paralyzed on one side of his body but he was confined to a wheelchair. His speech was impaired and some of the time he cannot think rationally or walk. Seven years later in 2006 my biological mother died at the age of 54, followed by my middle brother age 42 in 2010, whom I adored. Finally my beloved Grandmother who raised me from birth passed away in 2013. I won’t say it was easy accepting the reality of the absences of the ones I loved, but I had a source where I could get strength from and that was the Lord Jesus Christ. You will always have memories of them and certain songs, places, and movies can trigger those moments. It was especially hard when holidays came around because my Grandmother made sure we had big family get-togethers. Losing siblings is just as hard, because they are the ones you know you can trust and go to when you need a shoulder or ear, so when that is gone who do you go to? I’ve found that in some of the most distressing times of my life I’ve turned to the scriptures and the words came alive and comforted me. I felt as if He reached down and held me and assured me that everything is going to be alright, in spite of what it looks like. Everything is going to be alright. I would like to share one scripture in particular from the book of Ecclesiastes:

1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

photo by buzzerg.com

2 A time to be born , and a time to die ; a time to plant , and a time to pluck up that which is planted ;

3 A time to kill , and a time to heal ; a time to break down , and a time to build up ;

4 A time to weep , and a time to laugh ; a time to mourn , and a time to dance ;

5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together ; a time to embrace , and a time to refrain from embracing ;

6 A time to get , and a time to lose ; a time to keep , and a time to cast away ;

7 A time to rend , and a time to sew ; a time to keep silence , and a time to speak ;

8 A time to love , and a time to hate ; a time of war, and a time of peace.

9 What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?

10 I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.

11 He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

12 I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice , and to do good in his life.

13 And also that every man should eat and drink , and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God.

14 I know that, whatsoever God doeth , it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him.

photo by fanpop.com

So there is a time and a season to grieve, but knowing also the time to heal and start to build which is what the Lord is leading me to do. I do not want to be so stuck in grieving that I miss the opportunity for happiness again. Yes, I will always miss them and a lot of times I feel alone but He told me to keep moving forward or my past will hinder me from being all that I can be. I encourage you today that when the season to heal comes, make the choice to move forward. Please share your thoughts in the comments below, I would love to hear from you, or leave a little encouragement for someone else that’s in a season of bereavement.  Thanks and God bless- L.G.

                                              

The TellTale Signs that you are in an Abusive Relationship

photo courtesy of www.app.com

What is ABUSE?

There are many forms of abuse, and here are several definitions according to “merriam-webster”:

• a corrupt practice or custom
• improper or excessive use or treatment: misuse
• to treat (a person or animal) in a harsh or harmful way.
• to use or treat (something) in a way that causes damage
• to use something wrongly
• language that condemns or vilifies usually unjustly, intemperately, and angrily
• physical maltreatment

The more common types of abuse can range from; physical abuse to mental, sexual, substance, and self-abuse. The post on today will be discussing “physical abuse” also known as “Domestic Violence.”

Abuse can happen to anyone and it is often excused, denied and sometimes overlooked. To acknowledge the signs of abuse is the first step to stopping it. You or anyone you know shouldn’t have to live in fear with the one they love. Whether that person or persons is a spouse, parent, boy/girlfriend, whoever they may be, if you see these warning signs or descriptions of abuse, please reach out to someone. Domestic Violence and abuse does not discriminate. It can occur in all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds and social standings. Women and children are the most commonly abused but men can also be victimized by abuse especially verbally and emotionally but at times physically too. At the end of the day, NO ONE deserves to be abused! It is not okay or acceptable.

There are many signs of abuse and one of them is fear. If you walk around on eggshells with your partner and you constantly watch what you do or say because you know it doesn’t take much to set them off, most likely you are in an unhealthy relationship. If they belittle you and try to control you, leaving you with feelings of helplessness, self-loathing  and low self-esteem and at times desperation, those are all signs of an abusive relationship. Better yet, let’s take a little quiz. I’ll ask you a series of questions and I want you to be honest with me and yourself.

-do you feel afraid of your partner a lot of the time?

-certain topics you avoid because you’re scared it will anger

 them?

-you feel like no matter what you do for them, it’s never right?

-do you believe you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?

-at times feel emotionally numb or helpless?

-do you think you’re the one who’s crazy?

Can you check off one or all of these signs? Okay let’s try this, does your partner display any of these behaviors?

-does he yell or humiliate you?

-criticize you or puts you down?

-treats you so badly you’re embarrassed for your family or friends

to see?

-ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?

-blames you for their own abusive behavior?

-sees you as a sex object or their property, rather than a person?

The more “yes” answers, the more likely you are in an abusive relationship. Other signs of violent and controlling behaviors are:

-act excessively jealous and possessive?

-have a bad and unpredictable temper?

-control where you go or what you do?

-keeps you from seeing your friends or family?

-limits access to money, the phone or car?

-constantly checks up on you?

-hurts you or threatens to hurt or kill you?

-threatens to take your children away, or harm them?

-threatens to commit suicide if you leave?

-force you to have sex?

-destroys your belongings?

Sexual abuse is a form of physical abuse. Any situation where you are forced to have unwanted, degrading or unsafe sexual activity is sexual abuse. Forced sex, even by a spouse or intimate partner with whom you have consensual sex, is an act of aggression and violence. People whose partners physically and sexually abuse them are at a higher rate of getting hurt seriously or even killed. Please don’t think that just because your situation isn’t as bad as some of the things you see on tv, or heard other women talk about, or even read about is minor compared to their cases. There isn’t a “better” or “worse” physical abuse. You could be severely injured just from a shove or push. Even if it only occurred once or twice in the relationship, studies show that your spouse will most likely assault you again. And let’s say that you decided not to fight him/her anymore when he assaults you and you feel the abuse has lessen, at what cost? At the right to express yourself freely? To come and go and make decisions, basically give up your rights as a human being? That’s too great a cost in exchange for not being beaten. Many women have only been verbally and emotionally abused which can be as equally frightening and confusing to try to understand.

Source: Breaking the Silence Handbook.

Please seek help if you are in an abusive relationship. There is help for you and you deserve to live a life free from terror and fear.

National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).

What are your thoughts on this? Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? Someone out there needs to know that there is a way out!    -L.G.