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What is ABUSE?
There are many forms of abuse, and here are several definitions according to “merriam-webster”:
- a corrupt practice or custom
- improper or excessive use or treatment: misuse
- to treat (a person or animal) in a harsh or harmful way.
- to use or treat (something) in a way that causes damage
- to use something wrongly
- language that condemns or vilifies usually unjustly, intemperately, and angrily
- physical maltreatment
The more common types of abuse can range from; physical abuse to mental, sexual, substance, and self-abuse. The post on today will be discussing “physical abuse” also known as “Domestic Violence.”
Abuse can happen to anyone and it is often excused, denied and sometimes overlooked. To acknowledge the signs of abuse is the first step to stopping it. You or anyone you know shouldn’t have to live in fear with the one they love. Whether that person or persons is a spouse, parent, boy/girlfriend, whoever they may be, if you see these warning signs or descriptions of abuse, please reach out to someone. Domestic Violence and abuse does not discriminate. It can occur in all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds and social standings. Women and children are the most commonly abused but men can also be victimized by abuse especially verbally and emotionally but at times physically too. At the end of the day, NO ONE deserves to be abused! It is not okay or acceptable.
There are many signs of abuse and one of them is fear. If you walk around on eggshells with your partner and you constantly watch what you do or say because you know it doesn’t take much to set them off, most likely you are in an unhealthy relationship. If they belittle you and try to control you, leaving you with feelings of helplessness, self-loathing and low self-esteem and at times desperation, those are all signs of an abusive relationship. Better yet, let’s take a little quiz. I’ll ask you a series of questions and I want you to be honest with me and yourself.
-do you feel afraid of your partner a lot of the time?
-certain topics you avoid because you’re scared it will anger
them?
-you feel like no matter what you do for them, it’s never right?
-do you believe you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
-at times feel emotionally numb or helpless?
-do you think you’re the one who’s crazy?
Can you check off one or all of these signs? Okay let’s try this, does your partner display any of these behaviors?
-does he yell or humiliate you?
-criticize you or puts you down?
-treats you so badly you’re embarrassed for your family or friends
to see?
-ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
-blames you for their own abusive behavior?
-sees you as a sex object or their property, rather than a person?
The more “yes” answers, the more likely you are in an abusive relationship. Other signs of violent and controlling behaviors are:
-act excessively jealous and possessive?
-have a bad and unpredictable temper?
-control where you go or what you do?
-keeps you from seeing your friends or family?
-limits access to money, the phone or car?
-constantly checks up on you?
-hurts you or threatens to hurt or kill you?
-threatens to take your children away, or harm them?
-threatens to commit suicide if you leave?
-force you to have sex?
-destroys your belongings?
Sexual abuse is a form of physical abuse. Any situation where you are forced to have unwanted, degrading or unsafe sexual activity is sexual abuse. Forced sex, even by a spouse or intimate partner with whom you have consensual sex, is an act of aggression and violence. People whose partners physically and sexually abuse them are at a higher rate of getting hurt seriously or even killed. Please don’t think that just because your situation isn’t as bad as some of the things you see on tv, or heard other women talk about, or even read about is minor compared to their cases. There isn’t a “better” or “worse” physical abuse. You could be severely injured just from a shove or push. Even if it only occurred once or twice in the relationship, studies show that your spouse will most likely assault you again. And let’s say that you decided not to fight him/her anymore when he assaults you and you feel the abuse has lessen, at what cost? At the right to express yourself freely? To come and go and make decisions, basically give up your rights as a human being? That’s too great a cost in exchange for not being beaten. Many women have only been verbally and emotionally abused which can be as equally frightening and confusing to try to understand.
Source: Breaking the Silence Handbook.
Please seek help if you are in an abusive relationship. There is help for you and you deserve to live a life free from terror and fear.
What are your thoughts on this? Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? Someone out there needs to know that there is a way out! -L.G.
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