A CHILD'S LETTER

DO YOU SEE ME?

Sometimes I’m too little to explain what’s going on with me. The pain I feel, the confusion, the betrayal. At times I tried to tell you, but you misunderstood me. Maybe you didn’t believe me or is it you didn’t want to believe that? I don’t like it when you leave me alone with them and no, I don’t want them to babysit me or make me go for a trip to the store with them. I trusted them and looked up to them, or did you bring them into our family thinking YOU trusted them? It’s not fair I can’t hurt them the way they hurt me, so I hide. No one can protect me from this monster, so I hide. Even when I  pretend to be invisible they find me. I tell them I don’t like it, but they ignore me. I wish someone would help me, SEE ME! I’m not the same happy child I used to be, don’t you see? I cry when I’m by myself because I don’t know what to do. I pray, Lord, please make the monster stop.

I’m a little older now, and they still find me. Not as much anymore, but they still hurt me. I wish you could see what I see. Please look closer, they pretend well. They said if I told anyone, especially you, that I would get in trouble. They even said they would hurt you. So I kept silent. I don’t feel good about what’s going on. What did I do to deserve this? Is anyone else going through this? Are my friends? I don’t want to tell them because they might not like me, so again, I keep silent. My grades are slipping, and I don’t care about how I look. The worse I look and the more clothes I put on, maybe they’ll leave me alone. I’m running away the first chance I get because I don’t feel safe here. I’m getting high or drunk the first time it’s offered, to help me

 
to forget. You couldn’t protect me, or you didn’t care. Don’t you see?

I have someone to protect me. They didn’t understand why it took so long for me to trust them. I was broken into pieces when they found me. Years have gone by and one by one we put the pieces back together. I learned how to love myself, and know my worth. I am somebody, and I will not let the actions of a monster dictate how my life turns out. It was not my fault and it wasn’t anything I did to provoke what happened. And now I’m a parent and I SEE YOU. -L.G.London

Broken (Infidelity) Part 2

Photo courtesy of the Huffington Post

“Broken”  according to Webster’s also states the following: 1. Not kept or honored. I interpret that to be an unfaithful spouse and/or partner, or the betrayal of family or friend; Even someone whom you placed your confidence in were let down.

In this post I will be talking about an unfaithful spouse and/or partner. Personally speaking, I have always been faithful and loyal in whatever relationship I was in - I loved hard and passionately. My commitment level in any relationship is serious, even to the point of taking a bullet for the other person, if it were necessary.

During any relationship I was involved in my eye never roamed? Nor did I ever flirt while I was committed to another. If someone had even approached me in such a manner...The answer would be a resounding No! I tend to take my commitments and vows seriously. If the temptations ever arose, I would imagine my mate being in that scenario and think to myself, “If he did that to me, I would kill him”. That thought stopped me every time. So keeping that in mind you would assume that your partner would have as much self-control as yourself and value your commitment like you do.

The funny thing is, I wasn’t really surprised when I found out my Ex-husband was cheating. I was more disappointed than anything else. He fell into the typical situation of most men. I was hoping he would prove me and society wrong.

Needless to say, after the initial finding out, disappointment followed, then came the rage with the flurry of questions...We all know what those are right?! You know the same stupid questions women ask men and vice-versa. I could kick myself because I didn’t want to be like an episode off of Jerry Springer or Maury Povich, yet I couldn’t stop the car wreck from happening. Did you kiss her or touch her like you do me? Do you love her? If you don’t love her, then why did you do it?

What this individual who broke our marriage vows didn’t understand is this: I could never give another man the kisses and touches that I gave him - much less be intimate with another person.

I wish I could have explained it to him that what’s for you is JUST For You!!! It’s private and special...that’s what intimacy is all about.  What he had for me should have been JUST for me. So when Sally, Sue and Shanequa came along and honor and commitment went out the door - it was no longer special and/or private; intimacy was gone forever. And guess what, I don’t want Public Property!  Boy Bye.

L.G. London