A CHILD'S LETTER

DO YOU SEE ME?

Sometimes I’m too little to explain what’s going on with me. The pain I feel, the confusion, the betrayal. At times I tried to tell you, but you misunderstood me. Maybe you didn’t believe me or is it you didn’t want to believe that? I don’t like it when you leave me alone with them and no, I don’t want them to babysit me or make me go for a trip to the store with them. I trusted them and looked up to them, or did you bring them into our family thinking YOU trusted them? It’s not fair I can’t hurt them the way they hurt me, so I hide. No one can protect me from this monster, so I hide. Even when I  pretend to be invisible they find me. I tell them I don’t like it, but they ignore me. I wish someone would help me, SEE ME! I’m not the same happy child I used to be, don’t you see? I cry when I’m by myself because I don’t know what to do. I pray, Lord, please make the monster stop.

I’m a little older now, and they still find me. Not as much anymore, but they still hurt me. I wish you could see what I see. Please look closer, they pretend well. They said if I told anyone, especially you, that I would get in trouble. They even said they would hurt you. So I kept silent. I don’t feel good about what’s going on. What did I do to deserve this? Is anyone else going through this? Are my friends? I don’t want to tell them because they might not like me, so again, I keep silent. My grades are slipping, and I don’t care about how I look. The worse I look and the more clothes I put on, maybe they’ll leave me alone. I’m running away the first chance I get because I don’t feel safe here. I’m getting high or drunk the first time it’s offered, to help me

 
to forget. You couldn’t protect me, or you didn’t care. Don’t you see?

I have someone to protect me. They didn’t understand why it took so long for me to trust them. I was broken into pieces when they found me. Years have gone by and one by one we put the pieces back together. I learned how to love myself, and know my worth. I am somebody, and I will not let the actions of a monster dictate how my life turns out. It was not my fault and it wasn’t anything I did to provoke what happened. And now I’m a parent and I SEE YOU. -L.G.London

SAYING GOODBYE...PT 2

Saying Goodbye-pt2

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A Time to Grieve

After the loss of a loved one the feeling of helplessness may seem to consume you. Speaking for myself, I felt emotionally drained and tired for weeks after a loss. I’ve lost 5 out of 8 immediate members of my family. In 1992 I lost my baby sister at the age of 24; seven years later in 1999 I lost my brother who was the baby of the boys and who was also 14 months older than me, died at the age of 34. Four months later my Grandfather who raised me as his own, had a major stroke and was given 72 hours to live. God blessed him to escape death by being paralyzed on one side of his body but he was confined to a wheelchair. His speech was impaired and some of the time he cannot think rationally or walk. Seven years later in 2006 my biological mother died at the age of 54, followed by my middle brother age 42 in 2010, whom I adored. Finally my beloved Grandmother who raised me from birth passed away in 2013. I won’t say it was easy accepting the reality of the absences of the ones I loved, but I had a source where I could get strength from and that was the Lord Jesus Christ. You will always have memories of them and certain songs, places, and movies can trigger those moments. It was especially hard when holidays came around because my Grandmother made sure we had big family get-togethers. Losing siblings is just as hard, because they are the ones you know you can trust and go to when you need a shoulder or ear, so when that is gone who do you go to? I’ve found that in some of the most distressing times of my life I’ve turned to the scriptures and the words came alive and comforted me. I felt as if He reached down and held me and assured me that everything is going to be alright, in spite of what it looks like. Everything is going to be alright. I would like to share one scripture in particular from the book of Ecclesiastes:

1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

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2 A time to be born , and a time to die ; a time to plant , and a time to pluck up that which is planted ;

3 A time to kill , and a time to heal ; a time to break down , and a time to build up ;

4 A time to weep , and a time to laugh ; a time to mourn , and a time to dance ;

5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together ; a time to embrace , and a time to refrain from embracing ;

6 A time to get , and a time to lose ; a time to keep , and a time to cast away ;

7 A time to rend , and a time to sew ; a time to keep silence , and a time to speak ;

8 A time to love , and a time to hate ; a time of war, and a time of peace.

9 What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?

10 I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.

11 He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

12 I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice , and to do good in his life.

13 And also that every man should eat and drink , and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God.

14 I know that, whatsoever God doeth , it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him.

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So there is a time and a season to grieve, but knowing also the time to heal and start to build which is what the Lord is leading me to do. I do not want to be so stuck in grieving that I miss the opportunity for happiness again. Yes, I will always miss them and a lot of times I feel alone but He told me to keep moving forward or my past will hinder me from being all that I can be. I encourage you today that when the season to heal comes, make the choice to move forward. Please share your thoughts in the comments below, I would love to hear from you, or leave a little encouragement for someone else that’s in a season of bereavement.  Thanks and God bless- L.G.

                                              

CHANGE-passing to the next phase

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CHANGE!

We all come to a point in our lives where we began to question our existence and the purpose of it. Many times I’ve heard people say; why was I born? Or why am I here? Or, “Is this all there is to my life?” I’ve even made the statement,” There’s gotta be more to life than this.” At times we even feel like something’s missing or wrong. A void that reminds us that we are not completed. We could have the family we always wanted, or enough money in the bank, or even a million friends but we can still feel lonely in a room full of people. We could be married and still feel single. We could even have a great paying job, but driving the same route and performing the same habitual rites is enough to send you over the edge!! It’s leading to …CHANGE!

: To become different

: To make (someone or something) different

: To become something else

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Another description of change according to Merriam-Webster is:

To pass from one phase to another

So when I asked God to change my life, he really challenged me to see what he sees in me. I used to be a hermit who just worked and came home. As I got older I didn’t socialize as much and spent most of my free time with my family. My life was empty even though people were always around me. I could not believe this was how I was going to die! Work, go home, go to sleep, wake up and repeat it all over again. No! I will not die this way and when I cried out to God he heard me. I am an author of 3 published books, and I am currently working on 2 more. I started a clothing company and currently am waiting on a second license for a  company. I never thought I could accomplish these feats and it never crossed my mind to do these things. My life has certainly picked up and I don’t have time to wallow in self-pity or foolishness. I thank my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ for answering my prayers. I challenge you to seek a CHANGE if you are not happy with your life. I am truly passing from one phase to another, ARE YOU?

Tell me your story. –L.G.

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