WHAT’S ON YOUR MIND?

THE POWER OF THINKING

“Self-talk”. Endless thoughts of unspoken words running through your head. These thoughts can be positive or negative. Some of these “self-talks” can come from logic and reason. Other self-talks can come from misconceptions that you create from lack of information.

Positive thinking often starts with “self-talks”. It doesn’t mean that you ignore the reality of things going on in your life or the world, it just means that you have chosen to approach unpleasantness in a more positive and productive manner. You have chosen that the best is going to happen and not the worst.

If the thoughts that run through your head are mostly negative, most likely your outlook on life is pessimistic (glass half empty). If your thoughts are mostly positive, you are likely optimistic (glass half full).

How do you know that your thoughts are negative? Here are common forms of negative thinking:

·      Filtering: you magnify the negative aspects of a situation and filter out all the positive ones. For example, even though you had a good day at work and completed all your assignments and you were given compliments on your work for doing such a good job. Later on that day, you focus on doing even more tasks and forget about the compliments you were given.

·      Personalizing: when anything bad happens, you immediately blame yourself. Let’s say for an example, you had plans to go out that evening with some friends and it gets cancelled, and you assume that they cancelled the plans because they didn’t want to be around you.

·      Catastrophizing: you immediately anticipate the worst. You spill coffee on your shirt and right away you think the rest of your day is going to be a disaster.

·      Polarizing: you see things as either good or bad. There is no in-between. You feel that you have to be perfect or you’re a total failure.

You can change the “habit” of negative thinking. The process is simple but with practice and time it can be done. You can start the process by identifying areas of change. First identify areas of your life that you think negative about, it could be work, a relationship, or your lifestyle. Tell yourself that in these areas you are going to start thinking positive.

Check yourself throughout the day, stop and evaluate what you’re thinking. Are your thoughts negative? If you find that they are, try to find a way to turn it around and put a positive spin on it.

Be open to humor. Give yourself permission to smile or laugh especially during difficult times. Seek humor in everyday happenings. When you laugh at life, you feel less stress.

Follow a healthy lifestyle. Exercise at least three times a week to positively affect mood and reduce stress. Follow a healthy diet to fuel your mind and body. Learn techniques to manage stress.

Mostly and importantly is to surround yourself with positive people. Make sure those in your life are positive, supportive people you can depend on to give helpful advice and feedback. Negative people increase stress levels, remember “misery likes company”, and “birds of a feather, flock together!”

Another step is to practice positive self-talk. Follow one simple rule: Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to anyone else. Be gentle and encouraging with yourself. If a negative thought enters your mind, evaluate it rationally and react with affirmations of what is good about you.

Putting positive thinking into practice

Negative self-talk	Positive thinking
I've never done it before.	It's an opportunity to learn something new.
It's too complicated.	I'll tackle it from a different angle.
I don't have the resources.	Necessity is the mother of invention.
I'm too lazy to get this done.	I wasn't able to fit it into my schedule, but I can re-examine some priorities.
There's no way it will work.	I can try to make it work.
It's too radical a change.	Let's take a chance.
No one bothers to communicate with me.	I'll see if I can open the channels of communication.
I'm not going to get any better at this.	I'll give it another try.

Some of the benefits of positive thinking are:

• Increased life span
• Lower rates of depression
• Lower levels of distress
• Greater resistance to the common cold
• Better psychological and physical well-being
• Reduced risk of death from cardiovascular disease
• Better coping skills during hardships and times of stress

I pray that this helps someone in the way that you think, and the way you approach life. I frequently had headaches and migraines until I used some of these methods of thinking. What I can change…I do, what I can’t…. I put in the hands of God. May God bless you.  – L.G. London

TellTale Signs of an Abusive Relationship pt.2 "Emotional Abuse"

photo by http://overcomingemotionalabuse.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Fotolia_37333143_M.jpg

Continuing our series of Abuse, we’ve seen the signs of Spousal Abuse or also known as Domestic Abuse where one person tries to dominate or control the other person.

Emotional Abuse is bigger than we think. Usually when people hear “abuse” they picture a battered woman. Not all relationships involve violence. Just because you are not physically hit doesn’t mean you are not being abused. Emotional Abuse includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behavior also is a form of emotional abuse. In addition , abusers of emotional or psychological abuse usually threaten physical violence or consequences if you don't do what they want. Don’t think that domestic abuse is worse than emotional abuse because one might send you to the hospital and leave you with scars. The scars of Emotional Abuse are very real and can scar you really deep. In fact, emotional abuse can be just as or sometimes worse than physical abuse.

Economic or Financial Abuse: a subtle form of emotional abuse.

In order to control you, abusers frequently use money to do so. Here are some of the ways he or she might use:

·        Controlling your finances

·        Withholding money or credit cards

·        Withholding basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter)

·        Preventing you from working or choosing your own career

·        Sabotaging your job (making you miss work, calling constantly)

·        Stealing from you or taking your money

Now let’s look at the ways or tactics an abuser uses to manipulate and show their power:

*Dominance –Abusive people need to be the boss of the relationship. They will make all the decisions for the whole family, including telling you what to do and expect you to obey without questioning. They may treat you like a child, servant or even as their possession.

*Humiliation –They will make you feel bad about yourself and leaving you with low self-esteem. If they can make you believe you are worthless and that no one else wants you, you are less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to tear down your self-esteem, leaving you powerless.

*Isolation –The abuser wants you to depend on them and only them, so in order to do this they cut you off from the outside world. He or she may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You’ll find yourself asking permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone.

*Threats –Abusers usually use threats to keep their partners from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. They may even use suicide, file false charges against you, or threaten to report you to child services.

*Intimidation –Your abuser may use different intimidation tactics designed to scare you into obeying them such as; threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message is.... obey, or there will be hell to pay.

Denial and blame –Abusers are good at excusing the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims themselves. They will downplay the abuse or even deny that it happened.

Don’t be fooled! Abusers CAN control their behavior!             

Abusers can pick and choose whom to abuse. They don’t insult, threaten, or assault everyone in their life. Usually they save it for the people closest to them, the ones they claim to love.

Abusers carefully choose when and where to abuse. They can control themselves until no one else is around to see their abusive behavior. They act like everything is fine in public, but lash out the instant you’re alone.

Abusers are able to stop their abusive behavior when it benefits them. Most abusers are not out of control. In fact, they can stop immediately when it’s to their advantage to do so, like when the police show up or their boss calls.

Violent abusers usually place their blows where they won’t show. Rather than acting out in mindless rage, many violent abusers carefully aim their kicks and punches where bruises and marks won’t show.

There is a cycle that the abusers go through, I would like to share with you what I’ve found:

The Full Cycle of Domestic Violence: An Example

A man abuses his partner. After he hits her, he experiences self-directed guilt. He says, "I'm sorry for hurting you." What he does not say is, "Because I might get caught." He then rationalizes his behavior by saying that his partner is having an affair with someone. He tells her "If you weren't such a worthless whore I wouldn't have to hit you." He then acts contrite, reassuring her that he will not hurt her again. He then fantasizes and reflects on past abuse and how he will hurt her again. He plans on telling her to go to the store to get some groceries. What he withholds from her is that she has a certain amount of time to do the shopping. When she is held up in traffic and is a few minutes late, he feels completely justified in assaulting her because "you're having an affair with the store clerk." He has just set her up.

Source: Mid-Valley Women's Crisis Service

What are your thoughts on this subject? We would love to hear from you. –L.G.

To A Beautiful, Courageous, Outstanding Woman

These words were sent to me from a dear friend and sister, Mrs. Cynthia Brown. The words were so profound I felt I should share them with all of my strong women friends out there.  --L.G.

To a Beautiful, Courageous, Outstanding Woman.

Believe in yourself as I believe in you.

Trust in your strengths as I trust in them.

Look in the mirror and see what i see-

a talented, uplifting, and magnificent woman who can do anything and everything she wants.

Believe in your heart that you have the power to grab hold of your future and mold it into the things you have always dreamed of.

Trust in your soul that you are capable of doing all that needs to be done.

Know that you are incredible in every way and see yourself as others see you….. as an intelligent and spectacular woman.

                                                        -Lamisha Serf