Showing posts with label self-loathing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-loathing. Show all posts

Sunday, July 5, 2015

WHAT’S ON YOUR MIND?



THE POWER OF THINKING


“Self-talk”. Endless thoughts of unspoken words running through your head. These thoughts can be positive or negative. Some of these “self-talks” can come from logic and reason. Other self-talks can come from misconceptions that you create from lack of information.
Positive thinking often starts with “self-talks”. It doesn’t mean that you ignore the reality of things going on in your life or the world, it just means that you have chosen to approach unpleasantness in a more positive and productive manner. You have chosen that the best is going to happen and not the worst.
If the thoughts that run through your head are mostly negative, most likely your outlook on life is pessimistic (glass half empty). If your thoughts are mostly positive, you are likely optimistic (glass half full).
How do you know that your thoughts are negative? Here are common forms of negative thinking:
·      Filtering: you magnify the negative aspects of a situation and filter out all the positive ones. For example, even though you had a good day at work and completed all your assignments and you were given compliments on your work for doing such a good job. Later on that day, you focus on doing even more tasks and forget about the compliments you were given.
·      Personalizing: when anything bad happens, you immediately blame yourself. Let’s say for an example, you had plans to go out that evening with some friends and it gets cancelled, and you assume that they cancelled the plans because they didn’t want to be around you.
·      Catastrophizing: you immediately anticipate the worst. You spill coffee on your shirt and right away you think the rest of your day is going to be a disaster.
·      Polarizing: you see things as either good or bad. There is no in-between. You feel that you have to be perfect or you’re a total failure.
You can change the “habit” of negative thinking. The process is simple but with practice and time it can be done. You can start the process by identifying areas of change. First identify areas of your life that you think negative about, it could be work, a relationship, or your lifestyle. Tell yourself that in these areas you are going to start thinking positive.
Check yourself throughout the day, stop and evaluate what you’re thinking. Are your thoughts negative? If you find that they are, try to find a way to turn it around and put a positive spin on it.
Be open to humor. Give yourself permission to smile or laugh especially during difficult times. Seek humor in everyday happenings. When you laugh at life, you feel less stress.
Follow a healthy lifestyle. Exercise at least three times a week to positively affect mood and reduce stress. Follow a healthy diet to fuel your mind and body. Learn techniques to manage stress.
Mostly and importantly is to surround yourself with positive people. Make sure those in your life are positive, supportive people you can depend on to give helpful advice and feedback. Negative people increase stress levels, remember “misery likes company”, and “birds of a feather, flock together!”
Another step is to practice positive self-talk. Follow one simple rule: Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to anyone else. Be gentle and encouraging with yourself. If a negative thought enters your mind, evaluate it rationally and react with affirmations of what is good about you.
Putting positive thinking into practice
Negative self-talk
Positive thinking
I've never done it before.
It's an opportunity to learn something new.
It's too complicated.
I'll tackle it from a different angle.
I don't have the resources.
Necessity is the mother of invention.
I'm too lazy to get this done.
I wasn't able to fit it into my schedule, but I can re-examine some priorities.
There's no way it will work.
I can try to make it work.
It's too radical a change.
Let's take a chance.
No one bothers to communicate with me.
I'll see if I can open the channels of communication.
I'm not going to get any better at this.
I'll give it another try.

Some of the benefits of positive thinking are:
  • Increased life span
  • Lower rates of depression
  • Lower levels of distress
  • Greater resistance to the common cold
  • Better psychological and physical well-being
  • Reduced risk of death from cardiovascular disease
  • Better coping skills during hardships and times of stress
I pray that this helps someone in the way that you think, and the way you approach life. I frequently had headaches and migraines until I used some of these methods of thinking. What I can change…I do, what I can’t…. I put in the hands of God. May God bless you.  – L.G. London

Monday, March 16, 2015

The TellTale Signs that you are in an Abusive Relationship

photo courtesy of www.app.com
What is ABUSE?
There are many forms of abuse, and here are several definitions according to “merriam-webster”:
  • a corrupt practice or custom
  • improper or excessive use or treatment: misuse
  • to treat (a person or animal) in a harsh or harmful way.
  • to use or treat (something) in a way that causes damage
  • to use something wrongly
  • language that condemns or vilifies usually unjustly, intemperately, and angrily
  • physical maltreatment
The more common types of abuse can range from; physical abuse to mental, sexual, substance, and self-abuse. The post on today will be discussing “physical abuse” also known as “Domestic Violence.”
Abuse can happen to anyone and it is often excused, denied and sometimes overlooked. To acknowledge the signs of abuse is the first step to stopping it. You or anyone you know shouldn’t have to live in fear with the one they love. Whether that person or persons is a spouse, parent, boy/girlfriend, whoever they may be, if you see these warning signs or descriptions of abuse, please reach out to someone. Domestic Violence and abuse does not discriminate. It can occur in all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds and social standings. Women and children are the most commonly abused but men can also be victimized by abuse especially verbally and emotionally but at times physically too. At the end of the day, NO ONE deserves to be abused! It is not okay or acceptable.
There are many signs of abuse and one of them is fear. If you walk around on eggshells with your partner and you constantly watch what you do or say because you know it doesn’t take much to set them off, most likely you are in an unhealthy relationship. If they belittle you and try to control you, leaving you with feelings of helplessness, self-loathing  and low self-esteem and at times desperation, those are all signs of an abusive relationship. Better yet, let’s take a little quiz. I’ll ask you a series of questions and I want you to be honest with me and yourself.
-do you feel afraid of your partner a lot of the time?
-certain topics you avoid because you’re scared it will anger
 them?
-you feel like no matter what you do for them, it’s never right?
-do you believe you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
-at times feel emotionally numb or helpless?
-do you think you’re the one who’s crazy?
Can you check off one or all of these signs? Okay let’s try this, does your partner display any of these behaviors?
-does he yell or humiliate you?
-criticize you or puts you down?
-treats you so badly you’re embarrassed for your family or friends
to see?
-ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
-blames you for their own abusive behavior?
-sees you as a sex object or their property, rather than a person?
The more “yes” answers, the more likely you are in an abusive relationship. Other signs of violent and controlling behaviors are:
-act excessively jealous and possessive?
-have a bad and unpredictable temper?
-control where you go or what you do?
-keeps you from seeing your friends or family?
-limits access to money, the phone or car?
-constantly checks up on you?
-hurts you or threatens to hurt or kill you?
-threatens to take your children away, or harm them?
-threatens to commit suicide if you leave?
-force you to have sex?
-destroys your belongings?
Sexual abuse is a form of physical abuse. Any situation where you are forced to have unwanted, degrading or unsafe sexual activity is sexual abuse. Forced sex, even by a spouse or intimate partner with whom you have consensual sex, is an act of aggression and violence. People whose partners physically and sexually abuse them are at a higher rate of getting hurt seriously or even killed. Please don’t think that just because your situation isn’t as bad as some of the things you see on tv, or heard other women talk about, or even read about is minor compared to their cases. There isn’t a “better” or “worse” physical abuse. You could be severely injured just from a shove or push. Even if it only occurred once or twice in the relationship, studies show that your spouse will most likely assault you again. And let’s say that you decided not to fight him/her anymore when he assaults you and you feel the abuse has lessen, at what cost? At the right to express yourself freely? To come and go and make decisions, basically give up your rights as a human being? That’s too great a cost in exchange for not being beaten. Many women have only been verbally and emotionally abused which can be as equally frightening and confusing to try to understand.
Source: Breaking the Silence Handbook.
Please seek help if you are in an abusive relationship. There is help for you and you deserve to live a life free from terror and fear.
What are your thoughts on this? Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? Someone out there needs to know that there is a way out!    -L.G.